Domestic abuse
What is domestic abuse?
Most of us think of domestic violence as the problem of physical attacks, usually by men on their wives or other female partners, but domestic violence (better called domestic abuse) comes in many forms and is more common than is generally appreciated. Studies have shown that as many as one in 3 households have experienced domestic abuse, with most of the violence perpetrated on women and children. However, men too can be victims of domestic abuse.
Types of domestic abuse
As well as physical damage, domestic abuse includes:
- psychological abuse, in which the person is continually ‘put down’ and made to feel useless;
- sexual abuse — usually demands for unwelcome sexual activities;
- economic abuse — for example, refusing to provide adequate money for essential housekeeping, clothes and personal items such as underwear and sanitary protection;
- social abuse — forbidding contact with friends and relatives, often ringing home several times a day to make sure the person has not gone out; and
- spiritual abuse, in which the person is not allowed to follow their own religious beliefs and practices.
Domestic abuse and self-esteem
Victims of domestic violence often feel trapped in the situation. Their self-esteem may have been lowered to the point where they feel it is their own fault. They may feel unable to leave the relationship for financial reasons, or that they should stay together for the sake of the children. Unfortunately, children in these situations often have many problems. There is a strong chance they too will be abused, physically, mentally or sexually.
Cycles of domestic abuse
Often the person responsible for abusing their partner is outwardly normal and may be a well-respected member of the community. The person being abused might feel that no-one will believe them if they take action to remedy the situation. Domestic abuse often follows a typical cycle. The person responsible will be full of remorse for what they have done, beg forgiveness and promise it won't happen again. They may say that they can't live without their partner and will kill themselves if their partner leaves them. After a brief ‘honeymoon’ period the behaviour usually resumes.
Help is available
If you feel you are the victim of abuse, discuss the problem with your doctor. Help is available, both for the victims and for those who behave in this way. If your partner wants you to forgive them and make a fresh start, make it conditional on them seeking expert help in controlling and changing their behaviour. Above all, don't put up with it in the hope that it will just go away one day. Serious and permanent damage to you or your children is a real possibility.
Last Reviewed: 22 November 2009
- 1. The Royal Australian College of General Practitioners. Abuse and violence: Working with our patients in general practice. 3rd ed. Melbourne: The Royal Australian College of General Practitioners; 2008. Available from: http://www.racgp.org.au/guidelines/abuseandviolence (accessed March 2010).
