Domestic abuse
What is domestic abuse?
Most of us think of domestic violence as the problem of physical attacks, usually by men on their wives or other female partners, but domestic violence (better called domestic abuse) comes in many forms and is more common than is generally appreciated. Studies have shown that up to one in 3 women has experienced some form of domestic abuse. One in 10 has suffered significant physical injury.
Types of domestic abuse
As well as physical damage, domestic abuse includes:
- psychological abuse, where the victim is continually ‘put down’ and made to feel useless;
- sexual abuse — usually demands for unwelcome sexual activities;
- economic abuse. This is usually in the form of refusing to provide adequate money for essential housekeeping, clothes and personal items such as underwear and sanitary protection;
- social abuse — forbidding contact with friends and relatives, often ringing home several times a day to make sure the victim has not gone out; and
- spiritual abuse, in which the victim is not allowed to follow their own religious beliefs and practices.
Domestic abuse and self-esteem
Victims of domestic violence often feel trapped in the situation. Their self-esteem may have been lowered to the point where they feel it is their own fault. They may feel unable to leave the relationship for financial reasons, or that they should stay together for the sake of the children. Unfortunately, children in these situations often have many problems and may themselves become violent later in life. There is a strong chance they too will be abused, physically or sexually.
Cycles of domestic abuse
Often the person responsible for abusing their partner is outwardly normal and may be a well-respected member of the community. The victim might feel that no-one will believe them if they take action to remedy the situation. Domestic abuse often follows a typical cycle. The person responsible will be full of remorse for what they have done, beg forgiveness and promise it won't happen again. They may say that they can't live without their partner and will kill themselves if they leave. After a brief ‘honeymoon’ period the behaviour usually resumes.
Help is available
If you feel you are the victim of abuse, discuss the problem with your doctor. Help is available, both for the victims and for those who behave in this way. If your partner wants you to forgive them and make a fresh start, make it conditional on them seeking expert help in controlling and changing their behaviour. Above all, don't put up with it in the hope that it will just go away one day. Serious and permanent damage to you or your children is a real possibility.
Last Reviewed: 12 October 2004
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