Miscarriage: where to after miscarriage?
Rest is essential after having a miscarriage. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally drained. If possible take a few days off work or have someone look after your home and children.
Bleeding from the vagina may continue for 7 to 21 days, gradually becoming lighter until it stops. It is important to avoid sexual intercourse until the bleeding has finished as the sperm could introduce an infection to the healing uterus. Also, it is probably better to use sanitary towels rather than tampons.
If your pregnancy lasted more than 14 weeks, your breasts will probably produce milk within a few days. Sometimes the milk is produced for a while. You may find that your breasts leak. The sound of a baby crying or even thinking about your lost baby may start let-down of milk. Some women find the milk production upsetting and a reminder of their loss; others find it a comforting link with their lost baby that helps them to grieve.
Your doctor or midwife should be able to advise you on suppressing and stopping your milk supply. There are prescription drugs available in Australia to stop milk which your doctor can advise you about.
Wear a firm, supportive bra and avoid stimulating your nipples as this encourages milk flow. Expressing a little milk (without emptying the breast as this stimulates production) a few times a day for a few days should make your breasts more comfortable.
Not everyone feels grief, but if you do, you will need to finish grieving for the baby you have just lost before becoming pregnant again. Women who do not finish grieving over a miscarriage are very likely to suffer postnatal depression after the birth of their next child. As you can conceive soon after a miscarriage, it may be advisable to start using contraception immediately.
When should I contact my doctor?
- If bleeding continues longer than a week or is heavy.
- If you have any pain.
- If your temperature rises.
How will I feel?
Everybody reacts differently and you should accept your feelings, whatever they are. Most parents feel shocked and numb for a while. Once this passes, it is common to be upset because a miscarriage is the death of an unborn baby and needs mourning. It is also common to feel very angry about the miscarriage. Many parents, especially those who did not plan their pregnancy, are surprised just how strong their grief is.
Many cannot stop crying, thinking and talking about the miscarriage, and perhaps wondering if they are going mad. Often the mother’s self-esteem (and sometimes the father’s) is low after a miscarriage.
All the above feelings are common and a healthy response. Do not try to ignore the feelings, as the grief needs to be expressed. They will take much longer to resolve if you try to stop the grieving process. Men often find it hard to express these feelings and may need encouragement to show their grief.
Your partner may grieve in a different way to you. Communication difficulties among parents are common after miscarriage and it may be difficult to connect with your partner while you are feeling grief and sadness. It may help to be open and honest with your partner and to try and look after your relationship as well as each other.
Bereaved parents find different ways to help them through their grief. Think about the baby, give it a name, talk about him or her, write your thoughts down, draw your feelings, cry. These are all good ways to release the grief. A funeral or some farewell ceremony can be helpful. When you have gone through the grieving process you will be able to live in peace with the memories of your miscarriage. It may be wise to avoid conceiving again until you have reached this stage.
Many people who have not experienced miscarriage may find it difficult to understand why you are so upset or taking so long to get over it. With the best intentions they may urge you to ‘get on with things’ or ‘try again’, or suggest sedatives. Explain to them that you are not just depressed, weak or feeling sorry for yourself, but mourning a death.
Last Reviewed: 02 May 2002
